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It was the one emotion I was not prepared to deal with when bringing home a new baby.

Excitement? Yes.

Love? Yes.

Uncertainty? Yes.

Weepy for no reason? Yes.

But grief? No.

I did not expect to cry when Will was so sweet to his new baby brother – crawling up in my lap and asking, “What doin’, brother?”

I did not expect to cry when Will acted out in some way because it is hard for a 2 year old to adjust to a new baby.

I did not expect to cry when Will wanted me to play with him but I couldn’t because I was feeding Thomas.

I did not expect to cry because I missed being just with Will, playing, going to Taco Bell, dropping him off at “school” and all the other normal every day things.

Of course these feelings of grief are subsiding as we all adjust to our new “normal” as a family of four.

I love when Will runs around like a crazy man playing and Thomas is laying nearby taking it all in.

I love when Will remembers to be gentle with his new brother.

I love when Will lays his head against Thomas’ and says, “awww.”

Grief may have been unexpected but I treasure the memories I have and can’t wait to make more memories with both of my boys.

I am linking up to The Gypsy Mama’s Five Minute Friday.

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9 Responses to “Unexpected”

  1. Sweet post! Thanks for sharing.

  2. Desiree says:

    There are an abundance of emotions we go through, both before during and after all this. I pray things settle down quickly and you are able to find a few minutes here and there to just be with Will. Good to hear from you and about your new family of 4!

  3. Marianna says:

    What a beautiful heartfelt post. Both of your boys are adorable.

  4. Sarah says:

    Beautiful post and I could not relate more!!!! My second born arrived when my first born was only 19 months. I remember holding the newborn and looking over at my eldest standing in the corner just watching me and my heart would break for her. I missed Sesame Street on the couch with just her in my arms. Tea parties and undivided attention. She was too young to understand how her world had changed and that broke my heart. Now, almost two years later I cannot imagine life without two. And slowly we reinvented ourselves and made it all the sweeter. Thanks for this wonderful post!

  5. Honey says:

    Thomas will love Will and Will will be the best entertainment that you could give Thomas. Enjoy them both in your new family of 4!

  6. Aunt Mandy says:

    Sweet post. Made me cry because, although mine are spaced out a tad more, I still completely understand your feelings and what the oldest child has to experience. I’m here if you ever want to talk, or cry, I understand! It’s so hard now but it gets easier and SO MUCH FUN!! Love you!

  7. Katie says:

    Oh Amber,

    I was so touched when I read this post. Bravo to you for writing out these feelings that are so deep inside you. I have never thought about it before, but grief seems like a perfectly normal emotion to experience right now. It will take some time for you to get used to “the new normal”, like you said. Go ahead and let the grief wash over you. Think about how fun it was to watch Will grow over these past two years, and treasure those times that you had alone with him. But dont let it get you down, because you will get to experience all of those times again! This time, with Thomas. And as a bonus, Will will be there to experience them too!

    God has and will continue to equip you with enough love for both of these little guys. I’m thinking about you this weekend! :)

  8. Mimi says:

    That is so precious. It made me cry when I read it. I’m glad Will loves his baby brother.

  9. Tiffany says:

    I am just so glad you wrote this post. I haven’t even had #2 yet and I’ve been going through the grief of it all already. Its so hard to be a mother and to keep the “mommy guilt” under wraps and controlled. I can’t wait to meet Ryder but I am mourning over not being just with Rory all the time giving her every second of my attention. Thanks for writing about it and making other moms feel like they aren’t crazy in the head! :)